Transcript

1 Corinthians chapter 7, let’s conclude this chapter. Man, this has a unique practical different type of chapter in the Bible, um, but a lot of great truths here. 1 Corinthians 7, beginning in verse 25. “Now concerning virgins, I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion, as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy”. Verse 26. “I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you should marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin should marry, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none; and those who weep, as though they did not weep and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not possess; and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away”.

Verse 32, “But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is seemly, and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she should be of full age, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry. But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter he will do well. So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and the who does not give her in marriage will do better. A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. But in my opinion she is happier if she remains as she is; and I think that I also have the Spirit of God”.

Gleaning from this text of scripture, I want to give you four reasons for remaining single. Four reason for remaining single. Now remember the context, Paul is writing to a church that has how, all kinds of immaturities, inconsistencies, there’s a lot they do not understand, there were some people in the church who were teaching that the only way to truly please the Lord is to be single, so therefore if you are married you’ve got to get a divorce. there were some Judaizers influencing the church that said there is no way to possibly please God unless you get married. There were people in this church who had been through many, many, many marriages and many immoral relationships. There were people who got saved and when they got saved, their unsaved, unbelieving spouse wanted to leave them based on the Christianity of the, of the new believing spouse. A lot of difficult situations, and Paul is responding to their questions about these areas, and he’s giving them some guidelines, and when we get to verse 25, he really begins to empathize why a person should purpose or consider to remain single, let me underline this next phrase, if God gives them that special enablement to do so.

And he’s talking generally about people who were once married, but are now single, for whatever reasons, whether they are widows, widowers, or, or whether their spouses left them, after they became a Christian, whether they were saved as a divorced single again person, or the virgin, and the virgin in this text is the person whose never been married at all. So what, for whatever reason, you find yourself now saved and single, Paul says, here’s four good reasons for remaining single. Now, also and we’ll talk a lot about this off and on, because the context of a passage, a passage of scripture is so important. When you interpret a passage of scripture, you must interpret it grammatically, you ought to interpret it contextually, but with the verses around it, he said interpret it historically and culturally, which means what is the cultural historical setting its being written in. You should interpret it systematically, which means you look at the other truths in the Bible, that that particular text is referring to, and make sure you have a balanced understanding, and then finally, fifthly you interpret the text spiritually. Letting the holy spirit give you guidance in balance with the first four.

We don’t have time to go into all of that, but it’s very critical in this passage, because Paul is viewing the church at Corinth as being on the brink of facing severe persecution for their faith. And that was not an extraordinary thing, because the overwhelming majority of Christians in the first century suffered severe persecution. So he’s writing in that context, and you have to understand that to properly interpret it for our day. Because we, though we, if we follow the Lord will receive persecution in this life, its nothing to be compared with the type of persecution Paul was referring to, he was believing these people were going to be lose their homes, lose their jobs, be perhaps a traveling vagabonds as such, with not where to call home, this was common among the believers in Jerusalem, and Paul saw that that kind of impending persecution, perhaps, was coming to Corinth. And he’s writing with that in his mind.

First of all, the first reason for remaining single is, its preferred under persecution. It’s preferred under persecution. Now the point i’m making is, if you’re single and you’re contemplating should I remain single or get married, well, if you know in the next few months or next year or two, you could be facing severe persecution, then obviously you don’t need to be planning a wedding, generally speaking, when that kind of circumstance is coming up. Because a single person does better in a persecution than a married person will, you have less responsibility, less to worry about. He begins there in verse 25. “Now concerning virgins”, and again that refers to someone who has never been married and single of course, because they’ve never been married. He says, “I have no command of the Lord”. That simply means the Lord Jesus did not give us a direct instruction for, on this area, while he was here on earth, during his earthly ministry. He says, “but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy”. He’s simply saying, in God’s mercy, he saved me, he’s called me to be an authoritative apostle, and based on the mercies of God that call me to the office of apostle, i now give you authoritative instruction. So Paul’s advice here is just as binding as if Jesus had said it, he’s just simply saying, this is not an area the Lord Jesus addressed during his earthly ministry.

Now on to verse 26. “I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. So Paul says, in view of the present distress, it’s good for you, if you’re single, to stay just like you are”, single. Now the word present there means impending. The word distress can also be translated calamity, like a torture or violence. Paul said there, there’s most likely an impending calamity coming your way, persecution against you as Christians, and in view of that, it’s wisest for you not to be planning any weddings. It’s not sin if you do, but it’s expedient that you remain single in this circumstance. Now, one of the things we need to understand, even though this may be a severe condition, compared to our, our condition today, nonetheless, the principle does remain true, that its a good idea to consider singleness and see if God has given you that gift, because this world is against Christians.

We’re not home yet. We don’t’ fit here. This world is foreign to us, this world is filled with the antichrist’s spirit, satan is the god of this world’s system, the Bible says, and this world always rubs against our let’s just put it this way, the Christian always finds friction between himself and this world’s system. And married believers will have a much heavier load under the persecutions of this world, than singles will. And wholesale persecution was inevitable, particularly in this day. In john 15, the Lord told all of us, all of his followers, he said, if they hated me, they’ll hate you. If they persecuted you, or me, they will persecute you. And it would be easier if you’re facing those things not to have a wife or a husband or children to be concerned about. It would just be easier if you are single.

Now verse 27. He says, “are you bound to a wife, do not see to be released”. Because you see the Corinthians were immature and when they heard Paul’s first suggestion here in verse 26, this is going to be a lot easier under this impending calamity that could be coming your way to be single some of these guys would have ran out and got a divorce. Paul says, no, no, no, you don’t understand, that’s not an option. If you’re already married, regardless of the calamity and the difficulty that may come on you, you’re suppose to stay married. And then he says, are you released from a wife, do not seek a wife. Now, understanding the context, I believe he specifically talking about folks who were either their spouses, they were divorced before they were saved, or they become Christians and their spouses left them simply because of their commitment to Jesus Christ, which God allows divorce in those cases. His point is, stay in the state you are in, if you’re not married, don’t’ seek to get married in this situation, and, and if you’re already single, for whatever purpose, you ought to purpose to stay right there.

Now, of course, the only way you can stay single long term is if God has given you that special enablement to control your sexual desires and not burn with lust. He makes that very clear in verses 8 and 9. It would be good to look at that again of chapter 7. He says, “but I say to the unmarried”, that means a person who was formerly married, but now is single, “and to the widows”, that means a person, who of course, their spouse is dead, “that it is good for them to remain even as I”, that means remain single. Verse 9. “But if they do not have self control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn”. So Paul says, singleness is much to be preferred than the married life if you’re facing coming persecution. Now, what is the bottom line principle that can make application for all of us. Here’s Paul’s point. Your contentment is Jesus. Your joy is Jesus. Your happiness is Jesus. Not whether or not you are married or single. Don’t make the goal and the aim of your life to find somebody to get married. That is a sure formula for misery. The last thing you want fellows, is to marry some woman who has as her goal marriage. You will never in 100 million years live up to her expectations. You’d better marry a woman who wants to get married but in her heart of heart says, Jesus is my joy and I’d better keep the breaks on this thing until I find somebody that reminds me of Jesus.

And vice versa, same way around, girls, you don’t want to marry some guy that’s just got marriage totally and completely on his mind, you’d better find somebody whose contentment is Jesus. Well, first of all, Paul says, the single life, being a single is preferred, when you are under persecution. Secondly he says the single life is typically less troublesome. Typically it is a less troublesome life. Look at it there in verse 28. Now I want all you married folks to listen to this too. He says, “but if you should marry, you have not sinned”. This is the person that God has allowed their new singleness, they were married at one time, or it could include the virgin, the one whose never married, if either one of those marry, its not a sin, “and if a virgin should marry, she has not sinned”, he makes it very clear, all are involved. “Yet such will have trouble in this life”, and I”m trying to spare you. God says, if you get married in this fallen world, as a fallen sinner, to another fallen sinner, you will have trouble in this life. Now have you claimed that promise yet. Why did we skip that one, what gave us the authority to miss that one. Listen brother, you get married, you are going to have trouble.

Young people, look at me right now, are you looking at me. You want to get married one day, don’t you. Shake your head. Now, they are all saying no now. Don’t, don’t tell me what’s right, tell me what you want, alright. But when you do marry, It’s going to be trouble. Its going to be tough. Its hard to marry a fallen sinner and not have some trouble, you ever noticed that. I mean, we’re all fallen, fleshly self centered, we have this old fleshly nature part of us that’s says me first, self first, I want what I want when I want it my way. And the boy in the marriage says I want it the way mama did it. And the girl in marriage says, I want it the way daddy did it for me. And so you’ve got, mama’s boys and daddy’s girls getting married and guess what? Friction and trouble. That’s what he’s saying, you are living in a fallen world, well we all have fallen self centered flesh. You put two fallen, self centered people together, and you will have trouble. Now some of you need to shout hallelujah, we’re normal.

Doesn’t mean you are going to break up, doesn’t mean its not a good marriage, its just the way it is. Now that word “trouble” is an interesting word, that word literally means pressed together, or under pressure. Pressed together or under pressure. When two people get together, its like pushing two self centered flesh natures together. Doesn’t mean you are not saved, it doesn’t mean you don’t’ have a Christ centered nature, but that old nature is still around, call it what you like, if you don’t like nature, call it what you want, but its there. Amen. That old desire is there. And that’s where the trouble comes in. He says, “you’ll have trouble in this life”, and that phrase, this life means the lower nature. It means as fallen human beings, we have trouble when we get together. I mean, Christians do okay until we get around other people. And that’s when the trouble, you put two flesh natures together, you’re going to have some friction. That’s just the way it is.

Now, marriage is a normal option, Paul is not saying, don’t get married. But he said, it is difficult under good circumstances. To work on your marriage and keep it strong. It is difficult under good circumstances, to keep your marriage strong, how much more, Paul is saying, under this impending persecution that may be coming to you. You don’t need that extra pressure, stay single if you can. And its going to be a troublesome life. Getting married.

One of the things we talk about today, one of the phrases, used a lot is the fact that when you marry, you bring you baggage into the relationship and they bring their baggage in. There needs to be a thorough baggage check. Before anybody asks somebody else to marry them. Oh, we get these very immature, very worldly based notions well, we’re Christians and we love each other. Well, yippie-yi-yo-kayah. You better get a thorough going understanding of the kind of baggage your future spouse is bringing into this marriage. The insecurities, the fears, the disappointments, the tragic events, the things they always hope for but never had, all of these things mixed up inside of them, they will project onto the marriage, and you’d better make sure you understand what all of that means. They can be some of the greatest people individually, but put in a marriage relationship, all that baggage starts showing up. Well, that’s all that he’s talking about. You will have trouble when you press two people with all their baggage together. Its going to be that way.

Marriage should never be looked upon as an escape from sexual problems. Marriage should never be looked upon as an escape from loneliness. Those are not good bases for marriage. Now they may be a part of the reason why you want to get married, but they are not the basis for any marriage.

Paul says you ought to consider remaining single if God enables you and gives you that gift. Number one, because its preferred under persecution. Number two, because its typically a less troublesome life.

Number three, because being single encourages that which is eternal. It encourages that which is eternal. Look at verses 29-31 and we’ll begin with 31, because verse 31 has the key phrase in it. It says, and those who use the world as though they did not make full use of it, now here’s the key phrase, last part of the verse, “for the form of this world is passing away”. “The form of this world is passing away”. Paul is saying making a principle of foundation here, where he says, you’ve got to understand, there are a lot of good things in this life, but they are not eternal things. There are a lot of good things that are God ordained and God blessed, but they are not eternal. And the more you can keep your life on those things that are eternal and not put your life even on the good that is not eternal, the better off you will be and the better work you will do for the kingdom. Now when he says the form of this world, that literally means the matter, the manner, or the mode of this life is passing away. This temporal system you and I live in is not going to last forever friend, its going to pass away, this, this system, the social relationships, and all that we understand, its going away.

Now God has created and ordained marriage, its blessed of God, but marriage is not eternal. Marriage is a part of this passing world system. Its wonderful, its of God, but its simply not eternal. Marriage may be made in heaven, but it cannot be carried over from this life into heaven. Sorry, but you won’t have the marriage relationship that you have with your spouse in heaven.

Now let’s jump up to verse 29, and let’s look at some of these things, that he talks about. Look at verse 29. He says, “but this I say brethren, the time has been shortened”. Now the word time means a fixed point in time, I believe it means return of the Lord Jesus Christ. Paul is saying, we need to live as if the Lord Jesus Christ is coming at any time. And he said, the time’s been short, its shorter now than it was yesterday, its shorter now than it was two days ago, shorter now than it was a minute ago, or a second ago. Time’s getting shorter all the time.

And then he begins to list four things that are a part of this present world’s system, that are not in and of themselves evil, but they are just not eternal. And these are four things that we can do without if God enables us to, or, or not make them our life and make them our goal. Look at verse 29. “This I say brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives will be as though they had none”. Paul is simply saying, there’s coming a new age when the Lord Jesus returns when there won’t be any marriage. He’s not saying, stop being devoted to your marriage. He’s just saying our main devotion is Christ. He’s saying, if you are single, remember you will be single for all eternity with Jesus. You won’t have your marriage relationship. So when God enables you, that’s more of an eternal status than marriage is. And certainly under the coming persecution, you can’t function normally in your marriage roles, those will be disrupted. You are traveling across the country, trying to, just spare your lives, or if husbands or wives are carried off to prison, or locked up somewhere because of their faith, why, normal marriage relations can, cannot function under those circumstances.

So not only is marriage something temporal, that’s a part of the passing world’s system, that could be an option, if God enables us to remain single. Secondly he says our emotions, you’ve got to watch emotions. Look at verse 30. “And those who weep as though they did not weep, and those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice”, and then he goes to a different subject at the end of verse 30. Now what he means by emotions, let me say this about that. Emotions for the most part are not uncontrollable. We’ve been taught in this world, well, you know, your emotion, you’ve got to just surrender to those true desires of your heart, and, and those drawings and passions. That’s a lie straight out of hell, you are to act on your will as a child of God, according to the dictates of scripture, and your emotions will stabilize behind your will. That doesn’t mean we’re cold hearted or hard hearted as believers, we feel and we’re touched by things, we just don’t act on emotions. And he, he’s making a point here, when persecution comes, you can’t act on emotions. You’ve got to act according to the truth you are committed. Under persecution you could be very vulnerable to act on emotions. And when we get to heaven we won’t act on emotions, we may have emotions in heaven, when the Lord returns, takes us home, he just, referring to that fixed time, that end time event as one whole, but he says, when you’re in heaven at least you will have perfected emotions. We do not live according to the dictates of our emotions. That’s a part of this passing world. And as Christians we certainly don’t allow them to dictate to us, we act on our will.

And the third area is possessions and we see that at the end of verse 30, “and those who buy as though they did not possess”. He says, you are not going to take any of it with you, its all going to burn, all this material stuff, its not eternal, its not going to last, the old heretical witchcraft philosophy that’s been around for thousands of years, talks about mother earth. And everything’s sprang from matter, matter is eternal and everything evolved out of that, and we got to worship this thing, that’s why you have these animal rights people, they think we are all just a bunch of old dirt. Assembled differently of course, but we all just evolved from the same place, and therefore animals have the same rights as humans, and that,  listen, we’re bombarded with it. Every time you turn on the television, read a magazine, the newspaper, this concept of we’re all just a part of eternal matter, we evolved into different forms. Well, that’s not true, some things are material, and they are totally distinct and separate from us who’ve been made in the image of God. Special divine creations of God, human beings are, there is a sanctity to human existence, that no other aspect of creation has. But anyway, all of these possessions, this material world is going to pass away, it not eternal. We should have a loose attachment to material things.

And then verse 31. He says “and those who use the world as though they did not make full use of it”, those are pleasures. The pleasures of the world, many of them are not evil of, in and of themselves. But we need to have a loose attachment to the things that give us pleasure. We need to have that disposition and attitude that says I enjoy these things, but I’ll, cut those things off where it interferes with my faithfulness and my commitment to the lord Jesus Christ.

You know what I found as a Christian. I can’t enjoy pleasure whenever it gets in the way of the Lord. But I really enjoy it in its right place now that I keep the LORD in his right place. Now that’s just the, one of the things God’s maturing, and I”m not saying I’ve arrived, but he’s maturing that in my life. I was going to take off all of last week and go hunting and do some thing. I didn’t get to go once, just too much going on in the Lord’s work, but I”m planning on taking off some in the next two or three weeks, but that’s okay, because I”m not living for that pleasure. I enjoy it when I can do it, but if you can’t do it, you don’t do it. We need a loose attachment to possessions and the pleasure.

John McArthur did a brilliant job on this text of scripture, listen to what he says about verse 31. He says “in times of affluence, ease, permissiveness and inordinate self acceptance, it is easy to live for pleasure. Pleasures that are not immoral or extravagant may still be worldly, more leisure, more vacation time, earlier retirement, more comfortable homes, and such things can so occupy our interest and time, that the things of the spirit are neglected”. They just became too important. They weren’t wrong, they just got out of place. Our priorities got shifted. And so Paul in making this statement about singleness is simply saying, there’s some good proper things, but they are not eternal, and if you can avoid attachment to them, that’s good and that’s wise. And one of the things that’s not eternal is marriage.

He simply says, if you can stay single, it will encourage you to stay involved in eternal things, because once you get married, you’ve got to feed kids and burp and, and work and bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan and never let him forget he’s a man. You know, you’ve got to do all of that stuff. And you’ve got to mow grass, and, and use fertilizer on the lawn, you’ve got all these good things, but they are not eternal. Where if God gives you the gift of singleness, you can pour all of your energies directly in the center of spreading the gospel, and doing missions and evangelism for the Lord.

Well, the fourth reason. Paul says you ought to consider remaining single is that it strengthens undistracted service unto the Lord. It strengthens undistracted, or you could say single minded, service unto the lord. Now this one ties in very closely with the previous one. And he begins this in verse 32. He says, “but I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord”. So he simply says there, when you get married, you have the inability of single-mindedness to the Lord. You have, when you get married, its proper, its right, its God’s will, for you to be concerned about your spouse and about a thousand and one practical things. But if you’re single, you don’t have all of those concerns.

Great scholar of old Lightfoot said this. “A man who is a hero in himself becomes a coward when he thinks of his widowed wife and his orphaned children”. You now its one man who loves the Lord Jesus with all of his heart, if he remains single, he may willingly say burn me at the stake, I’ll not deny my Lord or his truth. But when he thinks about I’ve got a wife and children I leave, that hero may become a coward. And maybe properly so. Because he’s got other responsibilities, once he becomes married.

Verse 33. Paul continues “but one who is married is concerned about things of the world and how he may please his wife”. I remember when I was a single person on your staff here, and I marvel at it now, but when I was a single person on your staff, I went to Mid-America seminary during the week, and it was not at all unusual for me to come home on Fridays and have a youth activity on Friday night, a college activity that I did on Saturday night, early Sunday morning I taught the new members Sunday school class, then I preached once or twice on Sunday morning, I did a youth church training class on Sunday night, an adult church training class, then preached on Sunday night and often did a youth afterglow after that. Got up the next morning and worked and then drove back to seminary after visitation on Monday night. And never thought about stress or fatigue. But I’ll tell you, as a married person, I can’t or would not do that. There’s no way in the world would I do that, and all, a lot of us can see the difference. Not that that’s wrong, its blessed of God, its the will of God for me to do what I’m doing now. But you can’t have the same single minded service as a married person, as you might have had or would have had as a single.

So, he saying, if God gives you that gift, to remain single, pursue it, go for it. Verse um 34, he continues these very thoughts. “And his interests are divided”. It means the saved man who gets married, his interests have to be divided. And sometimes he’s thinking about strictly the Lord’s work, sometimes he’s thinking about his wife and family and children. “And the woman who is unmarried and a virgin is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be both holy in body and spirit. But the one who is married is concerned about the things of the world”, doesn’t mean she’s worldly or sinful, that’s not the emphasis there, it means she has to be busy about everyday practical things and how she may please her husband, he says.

Verse 35. He said, “and I say this for your own benefit. Not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is seemly and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord”. he said, I’m just telling you, especially with the impending calamity that I think is coming, it would be wisest to remain single.

Now look at verse 36, he talks about the father and his virgin daughter and whether or not she should be given in marriage. Verse 36 he says, “but if any man thinks he’s acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she should be of full age, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin, let her marry”. Its not a sin to marry. And we do have evidence that even though most marriages were arranged, still there was input from the daughter or the son about whom they wanted to marry. Now the parents exercised substantial control and authority, but the, the children involved in that who were actually getting married did have input.

Verse 13, 37, but he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will and has decided this in his own heart, to keep is own virgin daughter, he will do well. If a man has a daughter and she says, daddy, I think God could use me as a single person, and the father says, well, I’ll not commit you to any man’s son then, and we’ll just, we’ll just commit you to the Lord’s work, and the Lord’s service and you remain a single lady and serve the Lord. A lot of the greatest people on earth have been single ladies who spent their whole life serving the Lord. Who just had that gift from God to remain single.

And then Paul summarizes this aspect in verse 38 when he says, “so then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better”. If possible, if she’s able to remain single, she agrees and you agree dad, then he’s saying, let her be serving the Lord with all of her interest and devotion, she’s better off single.

Finally he talks about the strengthening of undistracted service, by talking about the permanency of marriage. In verse 39 he says, “a wife is bound as long as her husband lives”, now we know we’ve just seen earlier, 1 Corinthians 7, that there are some conditions whereby you may have a spouse that’s living but God has allowed a concession for you to be single and seek remarriage. But generally speaking, the general rule of God is, as long as your spouse lives, you are bound to them. But he says there “if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, but only in the Lord”. Then verse 40, “but in my opinion, she’s happier if she remains as she is, and I think that I also have the spirit of God”. He sums everything up and says now listen, if you choose to go ahead and get married, that’s not a sin, but I”m going to tell you something, remember its a life long commitment you just made. If you marry its not a sin, but its a lifetime commitment that you are making. And you’ll be happier if God enables you to do so, to remain single.

Let me conclude quickly, with some guidelines for dating and marriage. Now if you’re here and you have preteen children, if you’re sitting here and you have preteen children, raise your hand. Just raise your hand. preteen children. Alright, now you’ve got a shot, I want you to write these things down, write the scripture text, because you don’t have to look at me strange one day and say, brother Jeff, nobody ever taught us this, we didn’t understand these biblical dating and marriage guidelines.

Jot these things down, begin now teaching your sons and daughters, God’s standards for marriage and dating. I’m already started with my girls. I start by saying, you remember what’s in daddy’s closet? Yes sir. I’ve got three guns in my closet. Well, that’s the way you start, then after that cover these five things. Alright, guidelines for dating and marriage. Number one, they should only date and therefore marry a growing Christian. Only date and marry a growing Christian. It is a clear unacceptable violation of biblical standards to date or marry a person whose not maturing in the faith or is not saved at all.

I mean, I mean, guys, if you’ve got to date a girl and you’ve got to twist her arm, you’ve got to coax, you’ve got to encourage her to make her kind of look like she’s kind of growing as a Christian, you are cutting your throat. And vice versa. Make sure they have a desire to now the Lord, love the Lord, learn about the Lord, they had a desire, they talk about the things they pray about, they talk about how they get into the word, its real in their hearts, if they do not have some desire in their heart to be a growing Christian, it is not God’s will for you to date them and marry them. And we’re maturing them and we’re getting better in our youth department, to where we go after kids who get out of line here. And that’s the way it ought to be.

We can stop some of these early divorces, we can stop some of this wife abuse, we can stop some of this neglect, if we’ll honor biblical principles at 14, 15, you shouldn’t be dating at 14 and 15, but the principles ought to be there. Start dating about 20, 21, 22. But if we will teach these principles, hey, and when our children are 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 set them down and say, honey, let’s pray together, daddy wants you to have the godliest man you can have. Daddy wants you to have a godly wife. Let’s pray right now about these biblical standards that we’ll have, and honey when you get 16 or 17 and you have your first date, these are the standards we’ll stand by, amen. Teach them early on, make it a part of their thinking.

I ask my girls right now, I say, how will you know its God’s will for you to  marry a certain man. They’ll say, when you tell me its the right man. Folks, that’s not just funny, that’s the word of God. Honor biblical authority, we’re going to get to that one, that’s on down there. Jot these verse down beside number one. 1 Corinthians 6:14, 1 Corinthians 6:14, 2 Thessalonians 3:6. 2 Thessalonians 3:6.

Number two, you should not defraud the person you date. 1 Thessalonians 4:6. 1 Thessalonians 4:6. You should not defraud the person you date. You should not defraud the person you date, “Defraud” means to stir up appetites or desires in another person that you cannot righteously satisfy.

Now, young men or boys, in their dating lives, can say certain things, caring things, gentle things, loving type things, verbally to girls that, that stirs up a desire in that girl for commitment and for relationship that that boy can’t righteously satisfy, he’s not ready for that kind of commitment and they’re not that far along. And it is a sin if we don’t teach our sons how God made women differently and with our verbalizations that young boys can defraud. Listen to what God says. He said that if you defraud somebody in this area, God said I am the avenger. God said, you take care, you take advantage of a young lady with your words, with your smoothness, and you’re not mature enough, you’re not old enough yet to make the kind of long lasting commitment that’s behind those words, you’re defrauding a young lady to have desires and appetites for something that you cannot righteously satisfy.

On the other side of the coin, generally speaking a young lady can defraud a young man. In the way she carries herself her disposition and the way she dresses sensuously or suggestively, all of those things are stirring up appetites in her boyfriend that she cannot righteously satisfy until she gets married. God calls it defrauding. And God said, I’ll be the avenger in these things. Let’s teach our sons and daughters not to defraud. Moms, teach your daughters the way God made boys different, they respond visually to sexual stimulus. And the girls should carry themselves as a lady and dress appropriately so that they re not defrauding in that relationship.

Number three, you should always seek the permission of biblical authority. Always seek the blessing or permission of biblical authority. Now I do not want your sons and daughters coming to me and asking me if they can date somebody. That’s between you and the Lord and the word. But they should, they should, they should go to their parents and make sure their parents give them wholehearted blessing, not any of this stuff about nagging, fussing, twisting mom and dad’s arm until mom and dad succumb and say, okay I’ll let you date them. That’s just sharpening the knife and putting it to your throat. God’s given you your parents as a godly covering to guard you and protect you, from wrong boys or wrong girls, and you are just throwing away God’s protection if you don’t honor that.

And then when it comes time for engagement before anyone is engaged, before anyone is ever engaged, they ought to go to somebody on the ministerial staff, and share their hearts, share their convictions, share where they are, and get the blessing of God from somebody in the ministry of their local church. Now in a church our size it can’t be me alone any more. There’s just too many of us, but they ought to go to one of their elders in the church, see, staff leaders in the church and say, do you see any reason how this would dishonor God or God couldn’t bless this. That’s exactly what Pam and I did in our relationship. And we’re so thankful for it.

Here’s a couple of verses for number three. Ephesians 6:1 and Hebrews 13;17. Ephesians 6:1, and Hebrews 13:17.

Number four, wait for God’s timing. Wait for God’s timing. How many know if it’s God’s time. You mom and dad will tell you. Paul said something about this in 1 Corinthians 7:36. He says, “if she should be of full age, and it must be so, let her marry”. In other words there was a certain time when it was appropriate and she was ready. And there’s a lot of things that could enter in here., finances could in here, basic education could enter in here, but this is something that you don’t want to rush and you want to honor what it looks like God is leading at this point and time, this is an appropriate time. That you should seek marriage.

Alright, number five, I should date and marry within God’s calling for my life. Should date and marry within God’s calling on your life. Now for a lot of people that, that’s difficult to pin down, but for somebody like myself whose called into the ministry, I had absolutely no business going out with anyone who didn’t feel that God could be leading them to full time ministry service. That’s, that would be totally wrong. You get emotionally attached, to whether get physically attached to someone, and then you go into a marriage, and all of a sudden the person you are married to is miserable, and discontented about the vocation that God’s called you into.

I’ve known more than one pastor who told me, I now a retired pastor who told me brother Jeff, every single day of the ministry my wife hated it. And he lived with that until they retired. What a hindrance that had to have been, what a broken heart he had to have served with. When Pam and I began dating, I remember sharing with her about what God had called me to do. And I told her, its not a sin, if you choose to go other directions, but if you believe God wants you to take those recording contracts and those modeling contracts, if that’s the direction God has for you, then he doesn’t want us to date. And the more we shared those things, the more God jelled that in her heart. Because I was committed to date according to the calling of God on my life.

Those are some guidelines, you need to be teaching now to your sons and daughters, so that they will be ready when that time comes.